Mend Ones Ways to Trust

Updated: Nov 13, 2018

Mends ones ways to Trust…

Riding the storms can be enlightening and frightening too. What’s going to happen? Are you prepared? I’m in the biggest storm of my life. The storm is Alzheimers. My Mother suffers from this disease. This storm is wicked, it can last for years. What’s happening to my Mother. I am prepared…

I’m two days away from getting on a plane to visit my Mother. I begin to feel pains in body. My sciatic starts to act up. My eyes are burning and watery. I become anxious. Looking for ways out. Hour to hour the pain is coming on stronger. Like the trees bending over from the south eastern wind. My mind is prying for ways to escape. The sound of the wind is swirling inside my head. The time ticks…I recognize these siren’s inside my body. A warning sign, of my resistence. 

There’s no escaping for my Mother. She lives in a memory care unit, she is in locked down for her safety and needs 24 hour care. Our communication has been weakened by this storm. The power lines have been down for many years and are permanently damaged. She recognizes my voice more than my face. My limbs have been broken and I am prepared for the next. I must trust the pain will offer me a rainbow of sweet gifts. I have no choice what disease my mother will get. I am helpless to her suffering. Her suffering is a weather prediction, who knows what? At our visits I mostly stare at her for I am speechless. I watch her sleep for hours while I caress her hair. We hold hands more than ever. I tell her I love her over and over again. I don’t know what else to do. The discomfort is overwhelming! The thunder roars and the lightening strikes. Her basic skills are vanishing. I am saddened to see her wane away. I cry myself to sleep in forgiveness for my resistances to our visits. I light a candle for some brightness and I pray for persistence. 

In all of this discomfort “LOVE” still exists….

The caretakers and nurses tend to her like family with kisses of kindness. The life force she needs to exist. My Mother has surrendered to the “all mighty trust.” The silence is here. The storm is weakening. The swirling winds inside my head are more a calm breeze. The limbs that were broken are flourishing with growth. I am being humbled by this wicked disease. The dark clouds have a silver lining.The sun is returning. And now I am not frightened, my heart is enlightened with a rainbow of sweet gifts.

My mother is teaching me the last lesson of her life, dying from a disease. The preparation, the strong winds, the destruction, the silence, the clearing to ones openness to “Trust” what is coming next… 

Mending ones ways…Acquiring daily practices like breath work (pranayama), drinking nourishing herbal infusions, and lighting a candle. I feel more calm while riding the storm. How do you ride the storm? Are you prepared, calm or anxious. Need assistance? Try one of my listening services. Join us women to celebrate the seasons. Come learn about the plants.  Find out more information here.


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